Proper Grammar
by Phantom Nini
Summary: REPOST! Ike is looking through a naughty magazine when Toon Link walks in on him, asking what he's doing. Can Ike successfully relay some grammar rules to cover his aliby?


**This is a repost of my oneshot under my alter ego, Flaming Knee Socks. That account closed, thanks to my own stupidity, so… here it is!**

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If you stood in front of Ike, it looked as if he were reading a harmless issue of _Swords of Nintendo_. If you knew better, you'd know that there was a magazine hidden behind it. And that magazine happened to be the most provocative issue of _Bad Girls Gone Badder_.

Ike skimmed over one picture of a girl who had long, blonde hair, fancy, golden designs on her arms, and a long, flowing cape that was wrapped around her legs, just barely covering the treasure that every man dreamed of.

When Ike's eyes saw the amazing, uncovered jewels that seemed to jump off the page, he almost fainted.

She had gorgeous eyes that seemed to pierce through anyone's soul, and Ike's soul seemed to rip by just glancing at the picture.

He could feel his friend from the south become a tad excited; he knew that he couldn't be like this right now. He would have to wait until later for this.

He forced his eyes off the picture and began reading the little article that had the babe's name in curly letters. And her name was…..

Samus?

Ike's eyes bugged. That was what the font said, and the font in this magazine _never_ lied.

_Damn!_ Ike thought as he studied the face of the hot babe, and sure enough, it was the fierce gal from space.

He crossed his legs as he heard someone walking into the room. It was the one person that he _for sure _wouldn't want in the same room as he was—ahem—excited, Toon Link.

The innocent boy skipped in the room, his boomerang in his hand. He looked at Ike with bright eyes. "Hey, Ike!" he greeted cheerfully. "Wha'cha doin'?"

Ike sighed nervously. "N-nothing. Just… reviewing… _grammar rules_…?" Ike paused for a moment. "Yeah! That's what I'm doing! I'm reviewing grammar rules!" He smiled with a satisfied look on his face, as if he came up with the most ingenious lie in the history of Nintendo.

Toon Link arched his brow. "Why? You're not one to write or anything! That's what Samus does!"

"I do what?" asked a feminine voice as a tall, gorgeous woman strutted in the room, her blonde hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head. Samus tilted her head as she stood with her arms crossed beside Toon Link, waiting for Ike to answer with a reply.

Ike turned his gaze to the woman in the blue jumpsuit. "I was reviewing grammar rules when my little friend here walked in. He asked what I was doing, I told him, and he said that you'd be the one to review these things, not me."

"Well, he's right," Samus replied, mussing Toon Link's hair. She looked at Ike curiously. "Why _are _you reviewing grammar rules anyway?"

"And where's your grammar book?" the blond boy piped up.

Ike broke out in a sweat. They were cornering him! Either that or he was too paranoid. Still, in any case, he'd have to easily dispose a quick lie to seem as if he knew exactly what he was talking about. Hopefully they wouldn't try anything to prove him wrong.

"I don't need a book," Ike replied coolly. "They're all in my head."

Samus arched a brow. "Oh, really?" She seemed unconvinced. "Okay, then, Ike. Tell us some since you know them from memory."

Ike cleared his throat. Damn! Samus was smarter then Ike gave her credit. He knew that she'd ask _something _of him dealing with this topic, but he wasn't sure how to begin.

"Okay, fine! Sit down, you two." He smirked as he thought just how to begin this mini lesson. "Prepared to get schooled!"

Samus rolled her eyes as she and Toon Link sat down Indian-style—not that anyone in the room knew what an Indian was.

"Okay," Ike began as he got comfortable in his chair, "I'm going to start us off the easiest element in grammar."

"Nouns?" Toon Link questioned.

"No," Ike replied, slightly irritated. "Prepositions."

"Oh, someone help us," Samus muttered.

"Shhh!" Ike placed his index finger to his lips. "Now, a preposition is something that tells us the location of the noun. Like the ball is _on _the ground, or my sword is _inside _your chest. Right, Samus?" Receiving a nod from her, Ike continued. "Now, you've got to use the correct preposition in a sentence. If you had a sentence that said, 'I was playing alone,' you'd have to say 'I was playing _by_ myself' and definitely _not_ 'I was playing _with_ myself.'"

"IKE!" Samus shrieked, smacking him on the leg. "You don't give those kinds of examples to a little kid!"

Ike smirked. "Well, that's what came to mind!" He looked at Toon Link, who was looking quite confused. "You don't even know what that means, do you?"

The boy shook his head.

"See?" Ike beamed. "No harm done!" With one last smug look at Samus, Ike cleared his throat as he turned his gaze to Toon Link. "Do you understand about prepositions?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Now we're moving on to capitalization.

"You have to capitalize names, the first word in a sentence, specific places, and titles of books, movies, or games. For instance, it's better if your sentence was "Help your Uncle Jack off his horse" instead of "Help your uncle jack off his horse.'"

Ike glanced at Samus, who looked as if she were going to kill him. Knowing her, Ike knew that he was going to have to be in a brawl with her later. He slightly smirked at this factoid.

"Do you understand, Toony?" Ike inquired with a smile that resembled one that an older brother would give to his younger sibling.

The boy eyed him curiously. "That sounded like the same sentence to me."

Ike slightly sighed in relief. "Thank God you're the perfect example of the word, 'tabularasa'!"

Samus narrowed her gaze on him, and Ike could feel the fire burn on his skin from her stare. "You'd better move onto the next rule," she growled, slightly apprehensive of what might fly out of the blue-haired teen's mouth next.

He smirked. "As you wish. Now, we'll go over punctuation.

"You may already know this, but periods suck and commas rule, but of course, that's sex education."

Samus smacked his leg again, inflicting pain to his skin. "No quoting internet video people, especially Smosh!"

Ike smirked, attempting to not begin laughing. "In any case, periods still suck. Commas are awesome, but thing is, they are _way_ over used in some sentences. You can only use them in some spots, but I think it would be better if you used too many commas in a sentence than none at all. Here's the perfect example.

"You would want to say, 'Let's eat, Toon Link's Grandma!' instead of 'Let's eat Toon Link's Grandma!"

Without any warning, Toon Link screamed. "NO! YOU'RE NOT GONNA EAT MY GRANDMA!" Tears welled in his eyes, making his vision blurry. "I'm not gonna let you hurt her!" The boy stood up, his lip quivering.

Samus gasped. "Ike! Look what you've done! You've made him cry!" She wrapped her arms around Toony, allowing him to cry on her shoulder. She cut her gaze to Ike. "You should be ashamed!" She stood up, carrying the boy as if he were a small child and walked out of the room, giving Ike one last death stare before he witnessed her departure.

Just as alone as he was at the beginning of this story, Ike sighed in his chair. He slightly regretted making Toony cry, but, all in all, he needed to be taught proper grammar, right?

Right. That was what he did. He taught the boy proper grammar, and one day—maybe not one day soon, mind you—but one day, he was going to be thanked for these memorable lessons.

Ike sighed once more. His hand inched to his magazine, and then he stopped. He shook his head. He didn't need to look at it in this room.

He needed… privacy.

He grinned as he picked up his two magazines, standing up from the chair.

He headed to his room, locked his door, and placed the sword magazine on his floor while he held the provocative magazine in his hand. He plopped on his bed, and flipped right to page 27 of the magazine.

He scanned over the loopy font that declared the girl's name, smirking as her eyes ripped his soul apart, piece by piece.

He knew that if she ever found out about this, she'd personally murder him, but Ike didn't care at the moment.

He knew that he'd have to brawl Samus later for what he had done to Toon Link, but it wouldn't be the kind of "brawling" that he'd want to be a part of.

Samus's picture made Ike smirk devilishly, and he figured that everything Samus was a part of was always correct in grammar.

Well, everything _except _the magazine, _Bad Girls Gone Badder_.

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**Well, did I scar you? I hope so! ;) I randomly came up with this out of nowhere! **

**I hope I made you laugh uncontrollably, and I hope that you loved it! :D **

**If you have a problem with this story, please feel free to PM me about it. I'd love to talk to you! **

**Thank you; have a great morning/day/night/whenever the hell you read this. **


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